25 August 2009

TEXAS RANGERS RUMORED FOR SALE, COULD "W" RETURN AS OWNER?

Top 10 Stuff That Could Happen If "W" Buys Rangers.



10/Rangers Ballpark in Arlington is renamed "The Halliburton Launderpad" after successful completion of a single source RFP bidding process. Dick Cheney cuts the opening day ribbon and accidentally impales Ranger slugger Josh Hamilton, makes it up to Hamilton with a case of Scotch and an ounce of Pashtun Gold.

9/Ranger Scouts immediately embark on a mission to locate "Hitters of Mass Destruction", focussing on the Pittsburgh and Washington organizations.

8/Upon winning Game One of the ALCS, George swoops into the Ranger locker room on the back of Gene Autry's stuffed horse to proclaim "Mission Accomplished".

7/The Ranger's Coaching Staff introduces color coded hand signals to give signs to hitters and pitchers. Red for fastball, Blue for bunt etc. Former Mets are confused.

6/Tony Blair signs on as a consultant and the VP of International Sales and Strategery. Donald Rumsfeld is fired after submitting his resume.

5/The Official Team Slogan becomes "Git Mo Wins".

4/One time skipper Bobby Valentine returns from Japan to manage the team, players rename his doghouse Ahso Ghrave.

3/Nolan Ryan fathers a son by Condoleeza Rice...Baseball has it's first right handed pitcher who fires pre-emptive strikes and has four balls.

2/Three American League teams, the Yankees, Boston and the team known as California, er Los Angeles, er Anaheim, er Battered Angels Of The OC, are publicly declared by W to be members of "The Trionahat of Evil".

1/Keith "Hair" Olbermann and Rachel "Foaming" Maddog quit MSNBC (please?). Al "Ha, I Passed My Pee Test" Franken leaves the Senate (pretty please?). All three complete a 30 day SUNY Cornell online umpiring course at http://www.moelarrycurley.com/ and petition MLB for exclusive assignments in Texas. Barney Frank smiles at the vision of W's hands wrapped around a 34/31 wood Louisville Slugger on opening day.

(Ya didn't think I was gonna completely ignore the rules of equal time, now didja?)

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5 comments:

  1. Charlie ChilkootAugust 26, 2009 at 9:38 AM

    A couple weeks back I would have suggested replacing the Halo's with the Pale Hose in the "Trionahat of Evil" for the deal they did to get Peavy. However, one of the kids that came this way, Clay Richards, is 3-0, throws from the south side and appears to have a very bright future.

    Don't you think it will be hard for W to come up with the cash to do a deal for the Rangers? (Maybe H.W. will sell the pad in Kennebunkport to get it done.) And don't you think Jeb will want in this time?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Islander505August 26, 2009 at 11:22 AM

    "Don't you think it will be hard for W to come up with the cash to do a deal for the Rangers?"

    LOL...that was facetious, right Koots?
    Cuz as near as I can tell, since Jimmy Carter, there hasn't been a President (or any other high ranking admin official) who didn't leave
    the White House with considerably more zeros on their bottom line than they had when they moved in.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Charlie ChilkootAugust 26, 2009 at 4:09 PM

    Yes, a little joke. I thought mentioning selling the compound that's been in the family for centuries would be a clue. But I'm happy to clarify.

    ReplyDelete
  4. buckeye719August 28, 2009 at 5:16 AM

    how about 11/ 10000 mothers who needlessly lost their sons in geo ws /unnecessary/illegal/fraudulent war show up at the stadium on memorial day and decorate the field with 100000 pints of blood

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousAugust 28, 2009 at 11:28 AM

    OT-- 505 is the Bastard love child of Duane Allman and Dixie Lee Meadows ... :-)

    ReplyDelete

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