31 August 2009




Yankee Stadium..."BOXSEATS $4.00".




Computer Service Store......"DOES YOUR PC BYTE?".












29 August 2009


While much of America was being force fed what will perhaps be the last installment of the "Kennedy Mystique" that dominated the political and social landscape of the 60's and 70's, I achieved a milestone in contemporary culture by securing my 100th "Facebook Friend".
(No, not my dog Huck, as pictured here, I found a breathing, typing 2 legged homo sapien....but who better to represent "friendship" than a dog?).

As our out of touch media elite delivered virtual 24/7 coverage of Ted Kennedy's funeral and effused endlessly about the "hope and humanity" that the Kennedy's brought to the American experience, I was busy recruiting on the virtual network in the hopes of improving my own experience by finding another human friend.

While pundits like Matthews and Olberman were waxing nostalgic about the "Liberalism" that the Kennedy's brought to American politics, I was shamelessly promoting myself on Facebook with offers of wonderful gifts and fabulous prizes to anyone who would help me reach the coveted self-important Three Digit Mark of Facebook Friendships.

And while these same pundits were conveniently neglecting to point out that the "Liberalism" as espoused by Jack Kennedy in 1960, has been slaughtered 2 score and 9 times by Democrats and Republicans and effete media like themselves in the almost 50 years since, I was pointing out to anyone who would be my 100th friend on Facebook that what you see is what you get.....no bullshit....no false promises....no bastardizing of any of my messages.

Cuz 49 years ago, Jack Kennedy, the First in The Triumvirate of Kennedy Liberals, the man who laid the groundwork for what was to be our "Great Society" uttered the words which were supposed to be the mantra and the foundation of "Liberalism" in the last half of the 20th Century...words that have been clearly lost, conveniently forgotten and mostly destroyed in the 2009 version of "Liberalism".

"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country".

I simply told the Facebook Nation that I would provide daily entertainment, inspiring banter, snarky repertoire (and fabulous prizes) if someone would do something for me, at no expense or great outlay of resources on their part, other than putting up with my nonsense, if they so freely chose to be my Friend.
No mandates, no demands on anyone that this was "my right" to have 100 friends, and that someone needed to pony up.

And I am honored to say that I had as much success with my vision today, as the Kennedy's had with their's in a half century of effort.

It's amazing what can be accomplished when you stick to simple principles.

Time to "Be Like Ted" and celebrate my success as all great Irishmen would, after I provide Huck with his dog given right to a daily extended walk.

I would be remiss to not extend a special shoutout to Mrs. Charlie Chilkoot (Jessica Biel, Diane Lane and Charlize Theron declined my offers...shocking), who jumped at the offer of fabulous prizes and became the official "505's 100th Facebook Friend".
I'll do my best to make sure she never regrets her decision. (well... as long as she has some patience and understanding).
Drinks are on me Mrs. Koots, should we ever overcome the barrier of virtuality.

On to the 505th!!

26 August 2009


With apologies to Jeannie C. Riley and the Harper Valley PTA.
Word from the cosmic Edwardian grapevine beyond is that Mary Jo is hoping to attend the wake and funeral for the departed Ted Kennedy. But she's concerned that her hair won't dry in time and that no one will know who she is.

But enough....I'll go no further....no comparisons to the hatred that America still lashes upon Michael Vick for killing dogs, no indignant rants about how Plaxico Burress can get two years for stupidity, yet a drunk driver who killed someone and left the scene can be lionized as "A Great American"......Nope... no comments about the hypocrisy that pervades our Great Society.

I had other plans for today.
And I'm not gonna allow the morbid idolatry that immerses All Things Kennedy, a family endowed via questionable activities like bootlegging and stock market manipulation (Ivan Boesky would feel terrorized by Joe Kennedy), to sidetrack me from the original plans for today.

Nope.....breathe deep 505'ers.
And exhale.
Release all that ails you...

It's Time for Tunes For Thursday.
A little music (cuz we love music don't we?) to get ready for Friday and the weekend.
So take a coupla minutes, click the link, play the music (you may have to download MP3), read along and enjoy the song. (Yes, I detect a strong Goo-Goo Dolls influence here as well as Pure Prairie League)


And then try this little instrumental by the same artist. (Satrianni anyone?)


But, since I'm really an old blues guy at heart.....here's my choice for Song of the Summer 2009.
Click the play button in the upper right corner.


I like 'em....

But that's just my opinion.....

25 August 2009


Top 10 Stuff That Could Happen If "W" Buys Rangers.

10/Rangers Ballpark in Arlington is renamed "The Halliburton Launderpad" after successful completion of a single source RFP bidding process. Dick Cheney cuts the opening day ribbon and accidentally impales Ranger slugger Josh Hamilton, makes it up to Hamilton with a case of Scotch and an ounce of Pashtun Gold.

9/Ranger Scouts immediately embark on a mission to locate "Hitters of Mass Destruction", focussing on the Pittsburgh and Washington organizations.

8/Upon winning Game One of the ALCS, George swoops into the Ranger locker room on the back of Gene Autry's stuffed horse to proclaim "Mission Accomplished".

7/The Ranger's Coaching Staff introduces color coded hand signals to give signs to hitters and pitchers. Red for fastball, Blue for bunt etc. Former Mets are confused.

6/Tony Blair signs on as a consultant and the VP of International Sales and Strategery. Donald Rumsfeld is fired after submitting his resume.

5/The Official Team Slogan becomes "Git Mo Wins".

4/One time skipper Bobby Valentine returns from Japan to manage the team, players rename his doghouse Ahso Ghrave.

3/Nolan Ryan fathers a son by Condoleeza Rice...Baseball has it's first right handed pitcher who fires pre-emptive strikes and has four balls.

2/Three American League teams, the Yankees, Boston and the team known as California, er Los Angeles, er Anaheim, er Battered Angels Of The OC, are publicly declared by W to be members of "The Trionahat of Evil".

1/Keith "Hair" Olbermann and Rachel "Foaming" Maddog quit MSNBC (please?). Al "Ha, I Passed My Pee Test" Franken leaves the Senate (pretty please?). All three complete a 30 day SUNY Cornell online umpiring course at http://www.moelarrycurley.com/ and petition MLB for exclusive assignments in Texas. Barney Frank smiles at the vision of W's hands wrapped around a 34/31 wood Louisville Slugger on opening day.

(Ya didn't think I was gonna completely ignore the rules of equal time, now didja?)


In a report written for the Aug 12th "Journal of Evolutionary Biology", (a publication that is, incidentally, found on the favorite list of Jerry Falwell's home computer) scientists have discovered that every body's favorite whipping organ, the appendix, is in fact, a viable and important contributor to the carbon framework that we spend a lifetime hellbent on destroying.

Maybe I'm being a little too optimistic, but, if THE APPENDIX can make a successful comeback after centuries of Darwinian abuse and disdain, maybe....just maybe...

We'll see kids delivering newspapers to every home in America from their bicycles?

The Slinky will be a Christmas stocking stuffer, and not the latest Paris Hilton clothing ensemble?

"Home Cooked Dinner" will be the real thing and no longer an advertising lead for nouveau-chic takeout joints?

"Professional Dog Walkers" will take their rightful place in the trash heap of American service industries?

Higher Education will be resurrected with a more traditional definition within our Public School Systems?

Television newscasts will merely report the news? In monotone? (Indeed, black and white might not be a bad idea, either.)

Barbara Billingsley, Ronnie Howard, Henry Winkler, Bill Cosby, Jay North and Barbara Eden will unite to produce and perform in a prime time sit-com entitled....."We Knew Best"?

Okay, FINE, Minnesota readers, you betcha, since we're talking about comebacks, I'll state the obvious,
Brett Favre will lead the Vikings to the Super Bowl?
(But wouldn't it be more appropriate for Bud "My Super Bowl Teams Needed A Stimulus" Grant to do it?)

And finally, the Chicago Cubs will win the ........eh, never mind......what am I thinking?

Miracles only occur during Grace Slick/Marty Balin hallucinatory collaborations.

23 August 2009


EDITORS NOTE---Today's scheduled doubleheader postponed due to an attack of melancholy

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the year of Seaver, it was the year of Womack; it was the apex of miracles, it was the nadir of misery; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the autumn of victory, it was the summer of despair; they had everything before them, we had nothing before us; all Mets fans were going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

Yesterday, the Met's paid tribute to what is easily the most storied team in their history, the '69 team of Seaver and Koosman and Agee and Swoboda.
Great.....where can I find a copy of Richard Nixon's inaugural speech to relive?

It was no fun being a declared Yankee fan in the Summer of '69 (especially as a 14 year old).
And I emphasize "declared" because, New Yorkers being New Yorkers, I knew a lot of "frontrunning huckleberries" (props to Phil Rizzuto and apologies to my dog, Huck) who magically became Met's fans that summer. And while I almost forgive them for their spineless, chickenshit, traitorous, backstabbing, shallow dedication to what was and still is the Greatest Sport's Franchise in the galaxy, I can't say that I really blame them for going Benedict.
Cuz the Yankees really sucked that year.

What the hippies and Hendrix and acid did for the legacy of Woodstock, so too did the '69 Yankees and Len Boehmer and Frank Tepedino do for the legacy of Charlie Brown.
While America found a way to put a Man on The Moon in 1969 without any gizmos like Neverlost or GPS, barely a million people found their way to Yankee Stadium. And it took a lot of bat days, ball days, fat girls get in free day and "we'll provide a personal guard to watch your car day" to draw that million.

Mickey Mantle had retired in 1968, and so too had the Yankee Mystique as well as a lot of fans. But don't get me wrong....the '69 Yankees had a lot of players who left their mark on the game of baseball. Mind you, not like Ruth, Gehrig, Dimaggio, Mantle, et.al...more like the way my dog leaves his mark on soccer fields.

Yes, believe it or not you adorers of Seaver, Ryan, Koosman, Grote, Harrelson, Jones and Swoboda, some members of that despaired '69 Yankee team have their place in baseball history as well.

Ron Blomberg has the distinction of becoming the first Designated Hitter in Baseball. (The WORST thing to ever happen to baseball besides the construction of Fenway Park).
Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson went on to fame and glory by closing the deal on the most notorious trade in baseball history (their wives).
Joe Pepitone was a man ahead of his time and will always be known as the forerunner of metrosexuality in America. He sold far more hair blowers in his time than he had hits, indeed, if he was still carefully and gingerly placing his cap on today, he would probably PAY to play in the largest hair blower on earth, the Minnesota Metrosexualdome.
And where would the legacy of Michael Jackson be without Horace Clarke? The Yankee second baseman who singlehandedly made televised crotch adjustments acceptable in America. It was the only thing we Yankee fans had to look forward to when "Hoss" (It wasn't til I was much older that I understood the significance of that nickname) stepped into the batter's box.
Al Downing will forever be known as the guy who gave up Henry Aaron's 715th Home Run. (Ray Charles could have hit that pitch).
And who can forget Steve Hamilton's contribution to the Hallowed Circus of Baseball?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFvp7kMraAw
Not to go unnoticed is Yank's reliever Lindy McDaniel, a pitcher who's goose-stepping mechanics probably traumatized a large NY demographic away from Yankee Stadium that year.

Oh yeah, the Yankees record in 1969 was 80-81. It was a 162 game season in 1969. The 162nd game was cancelled due to lack of interest.

The Yankees were falling off the radar, not just in New York, but all around baseball as well.
The suits at CBS, who owned The Yanks, had run the franchise into the ground. (Damn You Walter Cronkite)
As 1969 is arguably the apex of The Mets franchise, just as arguably was it the lowest point in Yankee history.
There was even talk for awhile, as CBS was starting to look for a buyer of the franchise, that the Yankees would leave New York. And from what I remember? Nobody really cared that much.
It was no fun fighting off the pubescent travails of acne and being a Yankee fan back then.

But at least I didn't follow the lead of Madame Defarge and take up knitting.

22 August 2009


People sing-ing.... people laugh-ing.
The Yanks kicked the Red Sox ass.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa,
505's eating ice cream.

And whether the score was 25 or 6 to 4, or 1-0, one thing is clear, at this point in the season, it's much closer to midnight for the Red Sox than 20 to 11.
Does anybody really know what time it is?
Was last night only the beginning?
I just hope this Blosox crushing becomes a hard habit to break for the Yankees.
(It's a shame the Yanks didn't sign Ochocinco to kick that extra point last night and make it a clean 21........I know, I know....badddddd....couldn't resist)

I'm lovin' this crying game about whether South African runner, Caster Semenya is a male or a female.
Is it too late to cast he/she on Entourage as a college student for a chance dorm encounter with Vince and settle this dispute once and for all?
And where are all the "Obama's not an American" protesters to take up the cause of purity in International Racing? Cuz with a surname like "Semenya", I gotta wonder if the Russians aren't trying to flood the international racing market with their home-growns.
Usain Bolt just won a 2nd gold and set another record in the worlds.
That's the good news....the bad news is....he failed his post-race pap smear.

Brett Favre gave delusional Viking's fans a taste of what's to come last night.
Sure, it's pre-season and very early in his acclimation/training.
So he hits stride in late September through November.
Have any of you flush with Leinenkugel walleyes checked his December and beyond stats over the last four years?
They drop faster than Obama's post inaugural popularity numbers.
13 TD's and 31 INT's in December.
(Thanks to Bob Glauber of Newsday http://www.newsday.com/sports/football/glauber-s-nfl-hot-reads-1.811959 for those stats)

That's it for today, time to break out the 64 count Crayola Coloring Box so I can go colour my world.

A rare Sunday Doubleheader on tap for tomorrow.

T-I-M-E O-U-T!!!

I just put this blog to rest and walked outside my office to make the 120 ft walk across the building parking lot to the convenience store next door.
And in the space of 45 seconds, two things occurred that made me say to myself...
"WTF has happened to our society?"

At the 45 foot mark of my Ciggie Trek, (still not breathing hard), a woman was on a heading from the gas pumps that was gonna result in a collision at the intersection of Front and Door. So, I picked up my step.
She picked up her gait. I went a little faster...So did she.....
I finally said to her "Lady, I'm gonna hold the door open for you, You can be first on line inside!!"
She gave me a sheepish grin, displaying a slight embarassment, and barely muttered a "thank you".
Ladies.......can't you at least give us guys A CHANCE to display a little chivalry and common courtesy once in awhile? And if we fail your expectations, just chalk it up as an unintended consequence of all things NOW? And I mean either the movement or the attitude that grips all lives today.
So I go inside the store (2nd in line) and what's the 1st thing that I see? (I'm in there virtually everyday, I can tell ya where to find any item in the store).
A Brand New Sign hanging behind the counter.
A Sales Incentive Program for the clerks to "suggest sell" Lottery Scratchers.
Huh?? The State Run Lottery Program is INCENTIVIZING clerks to try to suck "poor people's" ("the poor" are the largest purchasing demographic) money out of their purses and wallets with point of purchase selling techniques?
(Which for those of you who do not know, are the most effective ways to sell a product, far more effective than any kind of advertising....hint hint....all the nonsense about tobacco companies and TV advertising) .
Where do I sign up for the 20 year retirement, 200K/yr job ,with fully paid taxpayer benefits to train the clerks in POP Sales Techniques?
Lord Help Us.

Please people.......don't ever let ANYONE ever convince you that the Government, any government, is out to "protect the poor". Elementary Bullshit 101.
It's all part of the end game of Manifest Destiny.
Or...staying within today's original theme...."Manifest Destiny's Child".

When governments run out of countries to conquer abroad, they look for new empires to build at home.

Just my opinion.

21 August 2009


In Thursday's headlines, former NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress received a 2 year jail sentence for shooting himself in a New York bar last year.
During sentencing Judge Huang M. Hai noted that Mr. Burress would have received a lighter sentence had he followed Donte Stallworth's lead and killed the victim.
And in a touching post trial moment, members of the 2009 Wackenhut NFL All Arrested Team, including Donte Stallworth, Aqib Taylor, Kolo Kapanui, Vonta Leach, Travis Henry, Biren Ealy, Donte Whitner, Jamal Williams, Cornell Green, Matt Jones, Brandon Marshall, Darrell Reid, Michael Merritt, Leroy Hill, Jonathan Dekker, and Vincent Jackson were in the holding cell at the Courthouse to welcome their new teammate.

In related news, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that the NFL is looking at stimulus offers from the Obama Administration that would include a Super Bowl to be held in San Quentin in 2018.
"We should be able to field a home team by then", said Goodell.

In Hockey News from Canada, Corey Fulton of the OHL's Brantford Blasts was still walking the streets a free man, despite being involved in an on ice fight that killed 21 year old Whitby Dunlop defenseman Don Sanderson in December.
The spokesman for the Ontario Attorney General's Office, Don Cherry, said he expects the statute of limitations to expire any day now.

Brett Favre attended his first Vikings practice in Eden Prairie on Thursday. He took 6 snaps during the team's 90 minute morning workout, completed two passes in 53 minutes, and then retired, not unexpectedly, from Professional Football.
Brett then had lunch (hot dish and lutefisk) at Joe Senser's Sport's Grill , signed his newly retired jersey, sold it on E-Bay, shot a 5 point buck in the parking lot, and returned, not unexpectedly, to the Vikings afternoon practice where he signed, not unexpectedly, a 2 hour/3 million dollar contract with options for two additional 1 hour appearances at 1.5 million each.

As part of our weekly updates on the "new and improved" Newsday website, Chicago Norm of Newsday's blogsite "The Final Score" published a list of all twitter addresses for Newsday's Sports reporters and columnists on his blog Thursday.
Which makes me wonder whether fellow Final Score bloghost Jim Baumbach, a longtime critic of the New York Islanders "shameless attempts to put fannies in the seats", will criticize his partner's "shameless attempt to put eyes on the website". There are no reports on whether Baumbach will ask former Islander Coach Al Arbour to write a guest column for the blogsite. A column that would push Coach Arbour's "name mentions" on the site above the one million mark.....if it's counted in Jim's book.
In related news, the Obama Administration announced that if and when Newsday begins charging consumers for access to the new website, the purchase price paid for a subscription will certainly fit the definition of "Cash for Clunkers", but that consumers will not be eligible for any type of cash rebate, indeed, consumers may be subject to an additional 25% idiot tax.

And that's just my opinion for this Friday.....from two time zones away.

20 August 2009


With all of the nonsense going on in the world, I was tempted to pull out the political cap and bore everyone with my latest rants about the hypocrisy that is smothering America today, the way working to capacity steel mills used to blanket the Cleveland Skyline that I never saw when I lived there in the late 70's.

I could wax poetic about the indignant outrage expressed by "many" who find it offensive that people are "bussed in" to protest town hall meetings. The same "many" who never complained when Blacks were "bussed into" Washington in the 60's to fight for their civil rights. The same "many" who climbed into their psychedelically colored VW minivans and bussed themselves cross country to protest the Vietnam War. But I won't, even though I just did...cuz it's.....entertaining in a bizarre and humorous kinda way.

I could wax poetic about even more indignant outrage expressed by "many" over the name calling and hurled epithets and unruly behavior at these town hall meetings, on blogs, and especially on Fox News. The same "many" who are either too young or too dementiaed to remember the more deadly unruly behavior that occured in the Race Riots of the 60's and 70's, or the week long violence and bloodletting that occurred at the Convention Of Our Current Ruling Party in 1968. And are we that stoned or stupid that we forget all the nasty names and epithets that were foisted upon Bush and Cheney over the previous 8 years? (Repeat after me... Keith Olbermann). But I won't, even though I just did....cuz it's......entertaining in a bizarre and humorous kinda way.

NOPE.....Not gonna go there today (okay, maybe I did...call me a liar....just not a hypocrite).
I'm gonna rant about something completely different.

Life's most important job.
(I consider it 2nd in degree of difficulty to, but not much different than, Keeping Puppies In The Box)

The job that we receive no remuneration for, fill out no applications for, receive no formal education or training for, get no vacations from, no sick days, the job that features a Grass Roots Retirement Program, i.e. we're officially retired when we can see the roots while lying on our back, the job that is nevertheless the most important task given to us by The Boss.

Why parenting?
Cuz I just got a reminder that, no matter how chronologically distanced our kids are from Pampers, no matter how wise and mature and self-sufficient they are, no matter how many times you pat yourself on the back for a job well done, you still gotta answer the claxon bell from time to time and help fend off a kamikaze attack.

In a nutshell....
My own Princess Grace, my personal apple of Daddy's eye, is getting married in October.
It will be an outstanding and wonderful event.
The event that all young girls (and proud Dad's) dream of.
An event that I have been distancing myself from the logistics of as much as I can, for the sake of peace and sanity for all involved (okay, especially for MY sanity..cuz my momma din't raise no foo).
But despite the best intentions, especially during events as mind numbing and hectic and crazy as weddings.....brides can get a little....uh....how can I say this nicely......carried away?
Once again, just when you think you are done being a parent, Nature (Human or Mother, take your pick) reminds you that.....
"Heh Heh......gotcha again...step up big fella."

So, "Daddy" had to temporarily morph back to "Father" and put on the Darth Vader Helmet.
And now we've got an intergalactic war on our hands.

But it's good....it's all good....cuz....like everything else in the stormy universe.....this too shall pass..

And I'll gratefully keep this job called parent.....it's a great job.....best job I ever had....
Cuz it's....entertaining in a bizarre and humorous kinda way.

18 August 2009


While the football and media world took their chances by flying Northwest Airlines into Minneapolis today to cover the latest chapter in the never going away Brett Favre saga, the big news in Brett's world is THE OTHER contract he signed today.
Glaxo Smith Kline announced this morning that Favre has been named the National Spokesperson for Valtrex.
"Just like that pesky little virus our drug is so effective in treating," said Valtrex North American Sales Manager Dick "Spot" Inouye, "Brett Favre just never goes away....indeed...we are pleased to have someone with Brett's staying power on board"
Terms of the contract were announced, with Favre signing a 5 year contract for 5 million dollars, with options for another 5 years, and another 5 years, and another 5 years, and another 5 years.
"We haven't had as powerful a spokesman as Brett Favre since our CLIO award winning campaign featuring Douglas McArthur and the 'I Shall Return' slogan", said GSK's Inouye. "We look forward to this long term relationship".
Favre refused to comment on the signing, citing personal reasons.
In other sports news today....
Tom Seaver was talking to the Mets' Omar Minaya and Fred Wilpon about a possible return.
Theo Epstein was talking to Alcor Life Extension Foundation about thawing out Ted Williams.
And Nolan Ryan was talking to himself about a return to the Texas Rangers.

17 August 2009


Newsday's inimitable Neil Best has reported on his blog, http://www.newsday.com/blogs/sports/watchdog-1.812020/espn2-to-show-a-package-of-premier-league-soccer-1.1374264 that ESPN will begin televising English Premier League Soccer.
What's next?
Bravo Network sends Nina Garcia and Tim Gunn to Teheran in search of unique Burkha designers? It sickens me to think that Seal would have to get to Heidi Klum by negotiating through layers of canvas.
Likewise, I break out in hives when I see kids running around my old baseball haunts kicking a soccer ball on the freshly sodded infield dirt.

So grab a hot dog and a Coke, (much tastier than bangers, tacos and goat's milk), sit back and discover why this "Soccer in America Phenomenom" must be stopped.....NOW.


Why Soccer Is The Harbinger of The Downfall of The American Civilization.
America has long been the Beacon of Light in a foggy world. Everything about this country, whether it's our approach to politics, education, economics, religion, sex, entertainment, and especially sports has been unique and vastly different than the rest of the world. That's why our ancestors came over here starting in the 1500's with their tired and their poor, to get away from the way things were done in the Old and Third Worlds. To carve out a Brave New World, where stuff is done differently, and the shackles of Planet Earth ineptitude are discarded.

And America flourished. As did uniquely American sports.
Baseball, Football, Basketball, Softball and even Volleyball ruled the land.
America ruled the world.

Now enter circa 1970's. Thanks to ABC's Curt Gowdy and Roone Arledge (the unwitting quislings in this mess) , we were introduced to a sport that ruled the rest of the wide world of sports. A sport that was played in every other corner of the world, but not so much here.
A sport who's hero, Pele, shared that moniker with the Hawaiian GODDESS OF DANCE.
And so began the inexorable decline of The American Empire.

Kids who lacked the hand eye coordination to hit a baseball....were encouraged to play soccer, in lieu of working at improving their skills.
Parent's who dreaded football knee and back injuries....made their kids play soccer.
Kid's who couldn't figure out which foot to elevate off of for a layup......had no problems kicking a soccer ball.

America began losing it's uniqueness and started looking like "the rest of the world".

Our schoolyards now look like Wembley Stadium.....no diamonds, no goal posts....just a boring piece of greenery.
We have a generation of kids who thinks it's okay to roll around in feigned crumpled agony whenever someone "invades their space".
These same kids have been raised playing a sport where "everyone gets to play", abilities notwithstanding, and that mindset now carries over into real life, and every subset of American culture is clamoring for "equal rights".
We've got a huge segment of society that can no longer hammer a nail, or even change a lightbulb....cuz they never played a sport that fostered proper hand eye coordination.
Standing up for oneself, challenging authority, getting involved in a decent argument is now frowned upon and avoided for fear of being given a color coded card of political incorrectness.

More importantly, while all of this was going on, Detroit was catering to the well publicized and glamorized "soccer mom" demographic by building gas guzzling minivans, increasing our dependence on foreign oil, and in effect, shaping our foreign policy as successive Administrations had to ensure that Little Johnnies and Jennifers had a way to get to their soccer practices.

And how can we possibly compete against the Asians (baseball RULES across the Pacific) in this 21st Century Economic Beast that is mouse click driven.... where fortunes can be lost by slow reaction time between hand and eye? Is someone gonna design a foot mouse for our new nationwide army of chairbound Grass Fairies?

C'mon people.....stop the madness. (I've got LOTS more....but there are space limitations here)
Send this game (and I use that word VERY LOOSELY) of soccer back to where it belongs. Outside of OUR borders.

Reclaim and Preserve our American Ways (flawed as they are).

Just my opinion

15 August 2009

Sunday Morning....Why 505 loves America

There is so much incredibly wonderful live music.
Whether it's a corner bar with an acoustic guitar singer struggling under his/her slightly off-key vocal, or that hotel lounge singer backed up by the all black blues band who say to themselves "man what am I doing here".

When the American Experience finally passes into the night (like all civilizations do, and in our case THANKS TO SOCCER) the one element that will survive forever is the love, appreciation, and demonstration of music that will be the legacy passed on.

What a kaleidoscope of beauty we have enjoyed.
Especially in the last 100 years.
At least 25 different genres of music have emerged, all of them popular at least, all of them wonderful at best.

I just can't imagine myself living during 1400-1900 AD Earth when everyone was awaiting the next German or Austrian Wagnerian composer to emerge and kill the 1812 Overture that was embedded in my head.

God Bless The American Experience.
May it live longer than a thousand year reich.

Cuz we like music......Don't We?

And Please.....Don't forget to tip your waitresses and bartenders on the way out.

14 August 2009


As the sage and erudite unelected Mayor of Bird Creek Alaska and regular Bird House bartender Hugh Cruikshank used to tell me in the early 80's:
"The only thing protecting me from a pre-frontal lobotomy is the free bottle in front of me".

With that in mind let's head into the weekend with a few snippets and observations before breaking for happy hour.

Olympic Swimming Icon Michael Phelps was involved in a car accident in Baltimore. Police say that alcohol was not a factor in the mishap. However, they are investigating reports that he was listening to a soundtrack that included songs from "Dark Side of The Moon", "Brain Salad Surgery" and "Skeleton's From The Closet". (What? no "Live at The Fillmore" for long stretches of highway driving?)

Does anyone know that Terrell Owens has a TV show? Does everyone wonder why? Can someone explain to me how that show would fit within the genre of reality TV?

Rick Pitino will be having lunch with Bill Clinton at a restaurant in Louisville on Saturday. Conversation will be a no holds barred, everyone on the table discussion about infidelity. (Doesn't Karen Sypher LOOK like Jennifer Flowers?)

Figure skating legend Scott Hamilton is returning to do a benefit for the Cleveland Clinic.
Officials from the Obama Administration have notified event organizers that the most they can charge for tickets is $10.00, and that only people who work in businesses with an annual payroll of less than $250,000.00 are eligible to purchase them.

Newsday, owners of the world's worst "new and improved" website, announced today that until further notice, comments about Neil Best's blog will appear on Ken Davidoff's blog, comments about Bob Glauber's blog will appear on Steve Zipay's blog and comments about Jim Baumbach's blog are pretty damn funny and spot on, but good luck finding them.

The International Olympic Committee has announced that golf will be on the menu for 2016.
So let me get this straight. I get more of John Daly and Craig Stadler at the expense of Jennie Finch and Cat Osterman?
The judge from two time zones away scores that a 1.9 for artistic merit.

Where's that bottle.......

13 August 2009


This is a sad day for the New York Islanders, (I am an Islander fan in case you couldn't tell by my handle), their fans and the faithful readers of the only newspaper that assigns a full time reporter to cover the Islanders.

Greg Logan will no longer be covering the Islanders for Newsday.
I have known Greg for a little over 2 years now.
My first venture into commenting/blogging about sports was on Greg's Newsday/Islander blog. Greg was never a prolific "blogger" for Newsday, he limited his entries to 2/3/4 times per week, while some of his brethren at Newsday write 3/4/5 times a day.
Frequent blogging was not Greg's style. He avoided a lot of the nonsense that litters the blog world (I plead guilty as charged) and was strictly a nuts and bolts, real stuff, old fashioned newspaper guy.

He never tried to entertain anyone, he always tried to inform everyone.

And as the Islander beat reporter, he was outstanding at his job.

I have met with Greg on a couple of occasions. What brought us together was a long rambling comment I made about New Mexico chiles on one of his blogs that he found amusing (sick person). Turns out that Greg is originally from NM, in fact was born and raised just 2 blocks from where I currently live in the 505. So we enjoyed a good chuckle about the irony of him now living in my breeding ground of LI and covering my favorite hockey team, while I now reside in his childhood home two time zones away in a hockey wasteland. (No more Scorps!!--again... for now...again)

I shall dearly miss Greg Logan as Newsday's beat reporter.

Concurrently, I wish nothing but success and good fortune for his replacement, the "spunky" (as monikered by Newsday's Neil Best) Katie Strang.
She has some big skates to fill.
I have met her on occasion as well, once during the Islander draft party in 2008, and once, incredibly, on a random D train at the 125th St Station while I was on my way to the final game at Yankeee Stadium.
She's got all the credentials, she has all of the potential, she has the ability to become an outstanding beat reporter.
I hope she has great success and makes the most of this opportunity.
And the word "opportunity" is understated here.....cuz with all of the shit going on with the Isles right now (Lighthouse, Kansas City, youth movement...I could fill the entire blog) Katie will be a very busy young lady (more on that when we get closer to hockey season and I take my Yankee cap off).

Good luck Greg Logan, no matter where the beat takes you. You are a great JOURNALIST and a better person.

Kick some ass Katie.... I PREDICT you will be awesome.
But it's all on you girlfriend.

Just my opinion...

12 August 2009


As long as the entire country is wrapped up in this attempt by the Obamarxists to socialize the Nation's Health System, what better time to wax about an issue that has been bothering me for a long time.

Can anyone explain to me why every town in America now has a "Women's Hospital"? Yet I am still scouring the countryside in search of a "Men's Hospital"?

Do ailments like prostate cancer and male pattern baldness not count in the grand scope of gender specific health issues?
(And ladies, if you think I am kidding about male pattern baldness being a health issue, how come you all find it so painful to pull our hair out of the shower drain?)

How come I've never been solicited to donate or to take part in a 5K Run (yeah right, RUN?..got anything that includes a La-Z-Boy?) For Erectile Dysfunction?

How come Major League Baseball never has blue bat day?

And how come there are signs that say "Quiet Zone" around Women's Hospitals?
Isn't that kinda like hanging a "Drug Free Zone" sign around the Kennedy Compound?

There is NO WAY I am going along with any Obamarxist plan to socialize our health system until some basic gender inequalities are addressed.

And speaking of sex....next up?.....505's missive entitled "There Will Never Be Equality of The Sexes in America Until there is Sexual Equality In America"
Coming soon.

Just my opinion...

11 August 2009


One of the most hotly debated topics on Bob Glauber's Newsday blog (http://www.newsday.com/sports/football/glauber-s-nfl-hot-reads-1.811959)
the past few months was the return of Michael Vick to the NFL.
(Unfortunately or fortunately, it is no longer....but for reasons other than the story).

Michael Vick is a convicted felon. He abused dogs. Heinously.
I love dogs. Have always had one. Enjoyed 4 of them when I lived in Alaska.
In fact, I consider myself somewhat of a suburban Cesar Millan. I cried when my last dog Ruby (she was a good dog) didn't wake up one morning. I get a huge smile every day when Huck (nobody loves Huck) greets me with his smiling face and wiggling butt when I come home.
I enjoy a dog's company more than I enjoy the company of most humans. Dogs are easily the most non-judgemental species that sheds in our homes. There is simply no better friend than man's best friend.
(I have a different attitude towards cats....but that's a subject for another blog).

With that said, I don't give a howl about the fact that heinous dog abuser Michael Vick is being allowed back on the football field.
It's the American Way, isn't it?
Commit a crime, do the time, we'll loan ya a dime.

So why is there SO MUCH antipathy, angst, indeed hatred being expressed from so many corners of America toward the prospect of Michael Vick returning to his job?

I just can't help but think that a lot of it, MOST of it, is a manifestation of some residual racism that continues to plague the inner sanctums of non-Black America's subconscious. A small measure of racism that is spewing forth behind a convenient vision of Lassie and Old Yeller lying on a street in bloodied pain.
Cuz who didn't/couldn't love Lassie and Old Yeller?
But c'mon folks.....these are animals we're talking about.
Let's not confuse them with virgin white women in small southern towns of Mississippi and Alabama in the 1800's.

I can't help but think that if this story was about Brett Favre (who kills..the ultimate animal torture.. A LOT of animals now as a hunter....but that's "legal") it would not be met with anywhere near the intensity that Michael Vick is facing now.
Hell, we put Joe Dimaggio in the Baseball Hall of Fame and he was a well known (never convicted or even arrested) physical abuser of two legged animals....i.e. the women in his life.
Billy Martin pounded the crap out of enough two legged animals in drunken bar brawls to be put away for years, but we gave him legendary stature.
Just last year a young hockey player was killed on the ice during a fight, and the perpetrator wasn't even questioned about the obvious homicide.

Some stuff is too easily considered "part of the game", not just sports, but America's game......if you're not black.
While a different set of standards is still often applied to Black America.

Michael Vick is and should be given a short leash by the NFL, like any other convicted felon.
A strong case could be made that the NFL has gone beyond the boundaries of decency (and legality) by suspending him for 6 games.
An equally strong case could be made that the NFL would be within their rights to keep him from returning.

But, like it or not, he's coming back.
Can we just call things even and start anew?

And give Vick a chance?

Just my opinion...

10 August 2009

Stuff The Media Isn't Telling You About Last Night's Yankee/Blosox Game

Officials from Cooperstown contacted the Red Sox following the game to secure Victor Martinez's bat for enshrinement. The Red Sox declined the offer, until everyone in the organization has had a chance to touch it.

Martinez's home run ball is getting bids as high as 15K on E-Bay this morning.

Theo Epstein was seen after the game in a midtown Manhattan restaurant talking to two heart replacement surgeons from St. Vincent's Hospital. As a way of demonstrating his urgency, Epstein ordered chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, creamed onions and cheese fries. Other patrons chipped in by purchasing his dessert......Boston Creamed Pie.

Epstein is also rumored to be working on a post trade deadline deal that would consist of a 3 way swap with the Yanks and Tigers. A deal that would include Phil Coke going to the Tigers (the Red Sox next opponent) and the "C" on Jason Varitek's jersey going to the Tigers in exchange for the Little Caesar's "Pizza Pizza" guy. The Tiger's Mike Ilitch, owner of Little Caesar's, had this to say about the deal...."As the owner of Little Caesar's, I appreciate the pain and suffering of organizations going downhill, and I am too happy to help out the good folks in Boston. Indeed, I'm also throwing in a free 12 inch baked bean and clam pie for everyone in Boston if the Red Sox ever win another game ".
The Tigers are said to be sending the Yankees a dozen Kyle Farnsworth bobblehead dolls found in his vacant locker.

In Flight entertainment for the Red Sox trip home included Jim Rice's 2009 Hall of Fame acceptance speech and highlights of the Sox 2004 season, with excerpts featuring Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz deleted and replaced by MLB PSA's about steroid abuse.

In other news from last night.....
Erin Andrews was visibly missing (Yogi alert) from ESPN's sideline coverage. ESPN confirmed a rumor that she is busy working on a new hotel workout video for women on the go. Title of the Video, to be released within 30 days,...."Dippin' in the Ritz".

The good folks at Neilsen Ratings announced this morning what most of America already knew.
8 million viewers successfully hard boiled an egg during Joe Morgan's 6th inning self destruction comparing the different styles of 2nd basemen Robinson Cano and Dustin Pedroia. Next up on Joe's Quest for the Lifetime "I Can Turn Obvious Into Inane" Award?
"Jon Lester is Lefthanded and Joba Chamberlain is Right Handed, and besides that, they're different".

In a related news item Steve Phillips was placed on ESPN's 21 day disabled list with tin ear.

And finally......

The Boston Media has officially changed Jason Varitek's nickname from Captain Intangible to Captain Invisible.
How bad can things be for this Boston icon when Hideki "Sundial" Matsui is trying to steal 2nd on him? (Friday night).
THAT was the greatest insult the Yanks sent Boston's way this weekend.

And that's just my opinion......

08 August 2009


Will the Blosox score a run against the Yankees?

Or will.......
ESPN release "The Video" of Erin Andrews to HBO for a one-time Pay-Per-View broadcast? (proceeds going to the "Bristol Build a Moat Foundation" for ESPN's World Domination Headquarters.)

Or will.......
Keith Olbermann and Dick Cheney share a wine spritzer in Nancy Pelosi's backyard?

Or will......
Manny swear off being Manny?

Or will.......
Joe Morgan enroll himself in a public speaking class?

Or will.......
Carl Pavano return the money he stole from the Yankees?

Or will.......
505 hit the Lottery? (I'm in the hunt for Saturday night!!)

A shoutout to Newsday's Neil Best for providing the inspiration for this with a Facebook entry he wrote.

07 August 2009


Okay people, what's goin' on?
Is it the full moon?
D'ere ain't no cure fo' the summertime blues?
Newsweek's cover story celebration of Charles Manson's 40th Anniversary got you down?
(Side note........WTF is up with THAT Newsweek editors? A lot of great things happened in 1969 and you choose THAT story for some front page melancholic nostalgia? Helter Skelter revisited indeed.....What's on next weeks cover? Reliving Your Birth Trauma? Top 10 Root Canals of All Time? A Newsweek Tribute to The Marquis de Sade?).

I was fortunate to wake up on the green side of the grass again this morning (for the 19,741st consecutive time.... proving once again, that Cal Ripken's record for longevity is greatly overrated), and obsessively darted directly to what has become my new morning love interest at the age of 54... Lady Dell... who always willingly accepts my gentle strokes on her tiny protuberances and is generally chock full of love that waressoft.

So I signed into Facebook, 2009's overused social netwoking platform...the internet's answer to weekly Mah Jong tournaments, Sock Hop's, Friendly's Ice Cream Parlors and the Corner Bar, and was met by a deluge of what eventually became (for me) an unprecedented reading of my friends, family's and associates painful Friday laments that was almost as bad as being forced to sit through a soccer game. (I said ALMOST)
Here's what I ran into on Facebook this morning, followed by my invasive and unrequested dime store psychology.
And no names have been changed to protect anyone's innocence...because....no one is.

From Donna K.F....Grammar School Classmate from 40 years ago who pretty much inspired today's blog cuz she got me thinking (not an easy task):
"Ravinia tonight to see the Four Tops and Temptations for a high school mini-reunion. Hope we won't be dancing in the rain."
Yo Donna.....regress a little. Embrace the rain...Dancing in the rain is one of life's great and unappreciated joys. Remember as a kid going barefoot out onto the streets of LI and splashing in the puddles while drenching that new dress your mother just purchased (on sale) at Pergaments? And the stench that emanated from the pavement after a hard rain on a hot day? That olfactory orgasm and brain damaging rush created by the combination of ozone, tar and oil?
It was great stuff.

From Paul L......former Men's Senior Baseball Teammate and one time local ABQ DJ:
"Is wondering where youth went after re-connecting with sooo many old friends. Remember when everybody in their 40's was old?"
Yo Paul......Ya can still rope a fastball, can't ya? Especially one of those meat sandwiches that the hotshot 25 year olds thought they could get past us, and probably still think they can do today, right? You're still listening to Kiss and AC/DC , right?
Are there any young bands "under 40" that can shine those shoes? Even today?
Most "under 40's" I know need walkers.
The largest (pun intended) consumers of "the little blue pill" are under 40.
We shall always be......... old enough to know.....and young enough not to care.

From Mrs 505.....bride of 26 years...who has every reason in the world for comments like this..
"...don't u wish you could just scream in your front yard at the top of your lungs go back inside have some coffee and thats that"
Don't you remember when you COULD go outside in your front yard and scream at the top of your lungs and not worry about a phalanx of swat teams, snarling dogs, helicopters, CNN cameras and Geraldo surrounding your house, your zip code and and your mother's house 2 time zones away?
Think about that and how good your life has been. Our kids will never get to enjoy 1/3 of the pleasures and freedoms that we treasured.

From Gary H.....brother in law and BFF for too many years..
"...tired of FB suggesting I be friends with all my wifes friends and of course my sponsored ad's for romance over 40"
Yo bro........ tired of looking at pictures of hot women within a setting that doesn't compromise your position as doting father and loving spouse?
Get a handle on that joystick big fella....this family can't handle any more Pee Wee Herman incidents (whoops....I wasn't supposed to talk about that).

Wendy R....Sister in law who once told me that her sister would dump me in 6 months.
"....is looking out the window at a dreary wet gray yucky suburban neighborhood."
Geezus another rain lament.
Yo Wendy....as someone too familiar with your part of the country, an area of the world inspired by a blueprint drawn up by Lucifer, you of all people should understand the pleasurable difference between getting pelted by some fresh raindrops when compared to needing Magellan's sextant to navigate through the blinding cloudbanks of mosquitos and horseflies .
Put on some Jackson Browne (you love the thunder...you love the rain)...
Go to the spa or something. ;)

Bob Mantz....blogger extraordinaire with a sense of humor as warped as mine (Please click on Bob's blog at the bottom)
"Sad. March of The Penguins star eaten by polar bear."
Bob, Bob, Bob......as I told you.....that can't happen...
A/Sarah Palin would shoot, stuff and mount the bear before he got close to the penguin.
B/Polar Bears= Northern Hemisphere..........Penguins=Southern Hemisphere.

And Finally

Neil Best...Newsday columnist.......The Watchdog:
"I'm so old that I was too old for John Hughes movies even when I was young."
Sigh......another age lament.
I'm burned out. No more peanuts left in this gallery.
As Lucy once hung so well "Office is closed"


It's Friday!!

The Yanks are up, the Red Sox are out of needles and cream.


And quit raining on your age.

06 August 2009


In a report issued Wednesday by the NM State Department of Education, the Albuquerque Public School District logged a 46% graduation rate for 9th graders who entered the system.

Let me repeat that number.......FORTY SIX PERCENT.
Once more.........FORTY SIX PERCENT.

Now....why should I give a shit?
My kids are long gone from that sinkhole called Public School Education in New Mexico.
Mrs. 505 and I did our jobs as dutiful parents and fought the noble fight and made sure they got out of there in one piece.
I'm just gonna say that it wasn't very easy.
Especially when you are not only fighting the societal speed bumps that confront teenagers in the 21st Century, but it ain't right when elected leaders and the calcified layers of tenured education system bureaucrats throw up even higher and tougher speed bumps.

Which brings me to the dead horse.
Many years ago....2001, shortly after 9/11....the Albuquerque City Council initiated a program that is now common in most cities in America.
The Party Patrol.
In short, Federal Funds were secured (initially about 80K) to pay (overtime) for off-duty APD cops to DRIVE AROUND TOWN, looking for teenage parties where alcohol was present and issue the kids Minor In Possession Citations. The equivalent of a Traffic Ticket. With a standard sentencing/penalty of alcohol abuse training.
Doesn't sound bad, right? (if you can overlook the Constitutional Issues of search and destroy tactics by our gendarmes).
But the punishment did not stop there.
Each week, Albuquerque Public Schools (henceforth APS) received a list of all the weekend's roundups, and as per APS Policy, the accused (but not convicted) kids were immediately kicked off of any extra curricular activities/teams for the remainder of the year.
See where I am going here?
Ask any counsellor of teens and they will all tell you....The best thing for kids "rehab" is to KEEP THEM INVOLVED....don't give them a chance to dawdle.

Now here's what REALLY made me sick to my stomach about this Yossarian nightmare.
The President of the City Council in 2001 (and still today) was a gentleman by the name of Brad Winter. The Party Patrol was his idea, his program, he did all the work, he secured the funds, he wrote the bill and got it passed.
Brad Winter, at the time, had a day job as the Vice Principal of the Largest High School in Albuquerque.

Two years later I attended a City Council Meeting where one of the topics being debated and voted on was the renewal of the Party Patrol Budget (up to about 120K) .
I listened to all the Council Members wax poetic about the success of the program, heard the Police Officers Association express their satisfaction with the program (why not? lots of easy overtime) and heard about all kinds stats and numbers about how many citations were issued on average per week, per month, by age etc.
I took advantage to address the crowd (SRO--but for a different reason) and the Council.
I grabbed the microphone and looked at Brad Winter and asked him "Brad, those are impressive stats....over 3900 MIP citations issued last year....with that in mind SIR....can you tell me how many kids graduated from the High School where you work full time as a Vice Principal last year? And how many graduated overall from APS?"
No response.
"I didn't think so", I said.
I then asked each Council Member if THEY could answer that question about the High Schools in their district.
Same blank stares, not a single audible utterance from these "community leaders".
I followed up with a finger wagging admonishment directed at Mr. Winter and his cronies that went like "Shame on you, shame on you, shame on all of you....You can miraculously find funds to criminalize our kids, in order to give yourselves doorflyer data for your reelections, while our gymnasiums are dark, our fields are locked up, our kids musical instruments are being seized and the MIP numbers go up, while our graduation rates go down. YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME".

I received a standing ovation from the overflowing crowd.

The bill to continue the Party Patrol was passed unaminously.

And in 2009, Brad Winter is no longer a Vice Principal (Still the City Council President...he has done much "good" and has the numbers to prove it)
He has moved up the inexorable bureacratic Public School trough and is now APS Director Of Operations. And more gyms are dark....more fields are locked....aside from Varsity Sports there are few extracurricular activities available for kids.

And our MIP numbers keep going up....and the cops are still happy....and Brad Winter keeps getting re-elected... and 46% of our 9th graders from 4 years ago just graduated High School.

I know of very few teenagers in Albuquerque who escape from this place without some kind of Criminal Record (I believe the going rate is 2 MIP's per teenager by the age of 18..and I know WAY TOO MANY who fail to graduate).

Someone.....please.....stop the madness.

(Final note to this long story longer....there was ONE year since 2001 when the funding for the Party Patrol was curtailed....shortly after Brad Winter's son---visiting over Christmas from Brad's estranged wife's home in Virginia---was cited by APD for a MIP and ARRESTED for criminal trespass for hosting a kegger in an empty apartment).

How....why.....do we elect people like this?
Are our School Systems littered with educators? Or self-serving wardens?

And as always.....it's just my opinion

05 August 2009


In response to a Facebook demand by fellow St. James Grammar School Alum Vincent Maher, poet novitiate, university professor and dripping left of left liberal, who took issue with a rant I made a few months ago about the inaction by the Obama Admin in securing the release of two journalists kidnapped by the NOK's, I offer the following inaugural blog rant as my observation on the thrilling news that Bill Clinton, well known for cowardly foreign policy decisions during the 90's, has secured the release of Laura Ling and Euna Lee.


Now, with that out of the way.......

Top Five Reasons Why Bill Clinton Was Selected To Go To Pyongyang.

5/Bill Richardson, long ago Clinton troubleshooter to North Korea, is not traveling outside of New Mexico borders for awhile.
4/The following text message sent by Chelsea Clinton to her mother:
"Mom? Can you get Dad out of my office please? He is twittering my female co-workers again".
3/Bill still owed a long ago promised full length eelskin jacket and matching skirt (stain resistant) to a former intern.
2/Al Gore, who's TV Media Organization sent Ling and Lee on this ill-fated assignment, was too busy working on his latest docu-brainstorm: "Global Warming and The Internet, The Future of Chad Hangs In The Balance".
1/Private jet, 12 hour flight to LAX, free booze, and a coupla women who've been locked in a jail cell for months equals slam dunk membership into Bill's Smile High Club.

Just my opinion....