07 August 2009

505 LOGS INTO FACEBOOK ..WITNESSES UNPRECEDENTED LINE FOR DR. PHIL'S WAITING ROOM

Okay people, what's goin' on?
Is it the full moon?
D'ere ain't no cure fo' the summertime blues?
Newsweek's cover story celebration of Charles Manson's 40th Anniversary got you down?
(Side note........WTF is up with THAT Newsweek editors? A lot of great things happened in 1969 and you choose THAT story for some front page melancholic nostalgia? Helter Skelter revisited indeed.....What's on next weeks cover? Reliving Your Birth Trauma? Top 10 Root Canals of All Time? A Newsweek Tribute to The Marquis de Sade?).

I was fortunate to wake up on the green side of the grass again this morning (for the 19,741st consecutive time.... proving once again, that Cal Ripken's record for longevity is greatly overrated), and obsessively darted directly to what has become my new morning love interest at the age of 54... Lady Dell... who always willingly accepts my gentle strokes on her tiny protuberances and is generally chock full of love that waressoft.

So I signed into Facebook, 2009's overused social netwoking platform...the internet's answer to weekly Mah Jong tournaments, Sock Hop's, Friendly's Ice Cream Parlors and the Corner Bar, and was met by a deluge of what eventually became (for me) an unprecedented reading of my friends, family's and associates painful Friday laments that was almost as bad as being forced to sit through a soccer game. (I said ALMOST)
Here's what I ran into on Facebook this morning, followed by my invasive and unrequested dime store psychology.
And no names have been changed to protect anyone's innocence...because....no one is.

From Donna K.F....Grammar School Classmate from 40 years ago who pretty much inspired today's blog cuz she got me thinking (not an easy task):
"Ravinia tonight to see the Four Tops and Temptations for a high school mini-reunion. Hope we won't be dancing in the rain."
Yo Donna.....regress a little. Embrace the rain...Dancing in the rain is one of life's great and unappreciated joys. Remember as a kid going barefoot out onto the streets of LI and splashing in the puddles while drenching that new dress your mother just purchased (on sale) at Pergaments? And the stench that emanated from the pavement after a hard rain on a hot day? That olfactory orgasm and brain damaging rush created by the combination of ozone, tar and oil?
It was great stuff.
PRAY FOR RAIN.

From Paul L......former Men's Senior Baseball Teammate and one time local ABQ DJ:
"Is wondering where youth went after re-connecting with sooo many old friends. Remember when everybody in their 40's was old?"
Yo Paul......Ya can still rope a fastball, can't ya? Especially one of those meat sandwiches that the hotshot 25 year olds thought they could get past us, and probably still think they can do today, right? You're still listening to Kiss and AC/DC , right?
Are there any young bands "under 40" that can shine those shoes? Even today?
Most "under 40's" I know need walkers.
The largest (pun intended) consumers of "the little blue pill" are under 40.
We shall always be......... old enough to know.....and young enough not to care.

From Mrs 505.....bride of 26 years...who has every reason in the world for comments like this..
"...don't u wish you could just scream in your front yard at the top of your lungs go back inside have some coffee and thats that"
Don't you remember when you COULD go outside in your front yard and scream at the top of your lungs and not worry about a phalanx of swat teams, snarling dogs, helicopters, CNN cameras and Geraldo surrounding your house, your zip code and and your mother's house 2 time zones away?
Think about that and how good your life has been. Our kids will never get to enjoy 1/3 of the pleasures and freedoms that we treasured.

From Gary H.....brother in law and BFF for too many years..
"...tired of FB suggesting I be friends with all my wifes friends and of course my sponsored ad's for romance over 40"
Yo bro........ tired of looking at pictures of hot women within a setting that doesn't compromise your position as doting father and loving spouse?
Get a handle on that joystick big fella....this family can't handle any more Pee Wee Herman incidents (whoops....I wasn't supposed to talk about that).

Wendy R....Sister in law who once told me that her sister would dump me in 6 months.
"....is looking out the window at a dreary wet gray yucky suburban neighborhood."
Geezus another rain lament.
Yo Wendy....as someone too familiar with your part of the country, an area of the world inspired by a blueprint drawn up by Lucifer, you of all people should understand the pleasurable difference between getting pelted by some fresh raindrops when compared to needing Magellan's sextant to navigate through the blinding cloudbanks of mosquitos and horseflies .
Put on some Jackson Browne (you love the thunder...you love the rain)...
Go to the spa or something. ;)

Bob Mantz....blogger extraordinaire with a sense of humor as warped as mine (Please click on Bob's blog at the bottom)
"Sad. March of The Penguins star eaten by polar bear."
Bob, Bob, Bob......as I told you.....that can't happen...
A/Sarah Palin would shoot, stuff and mount the bear before he got close to the penguin.
B/Polar Bears= Northern Hemisphere..........Penguins=Southern Hemisphere.

And Finally

Neil Best...Newsday columnist.......The Watchdog:
"I'm so old that I was too old for John Hughes movies even when I was young."
Sigh......another age lament.
I'm burned out. No more peanuts left in this gallery.
As Lucy once hung so well "Office is closed"


COME ON FOLKS!!!!! LIGHTEN UP!!!

It's Friday!!

The Yanks are up, the Red Sox are out of needles and cream.

IT'S HAPPY HOUR SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA..........JUMP IN...THE BEER IS COLD.

And quit raining on your age.

6 comments:

  1. yer too much... Joy stick..lol . G-

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  2. A football writerAugust 7, 2009 at 5:31 PM

    The beast has been unleashed.

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  3. 505, have you considered adding statistical analysis to your blog posts? ;) Best of luck in your new venture.

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  4. As a matter of fact Ken....YES.

    Currently I am accumulating some raw data on the crushing dropoff of readers and commenters on what was not so long ago the finest Sports Blog in America. That being Newsday's online Sports pages.
    And before Houghton Mifflin gets it's hands on this stuff and adds Newsday to a Management 303 Case Study Textbook for some dimwitted Harvard undergrads to misuse on some other kool-aid sucking business executives down the road, I will be producing, right here, right on this very WORKING website, a simple primer demonstrating how it is NEVER in any business executive's best interest to blindly accept the "newest and improvest" johnny decoder parabolic matrix technology that comes trotting along.
    (and then I'm gonna volunteer to do 6 months in a "run-on sentence" rehab center).

    Title of the Rant?
    505's Guide to KISS Business and Product Management.. (How Newsday pissed on the finest sport's writers in America and their extended customer base, BEFORE THEY EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO CHARGE THEM!!).

    And, as always.....it will be strictly my opinion.

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  5. Jeesus Ken, trying to statistically analyze happiness?... No wonder everyone's so in love with melancholy. "I read my stats today and I'm not supposed to be happy...?" good blog Pop's Mahon.

    ReplyDelete