26 February 2010



In a scandal that is sure to rock the puerile Olympic Spirit and breathe life into Don Cherry, the Gold Medal winning Canadian Women's Hockey team threw a wild post-game celebration in the deserted Vancouver Center following their victory over the United States last night. Beer, Champagne and stogies abounded as the young women began training for scheduled tryouts in Flin Flon next month for the Canadian Olympic Drinking Team.
Reactions from the IOC and the Canadian Olympic Committee were immediate and furious.

"We're going to raise an eyebrow", said IOC Spokeswoman Kari Nayshun.
COC President Sarge Preston remarked "As long as our official sponsor Moulson was involved, and they got their men, we're okay."

Elsewhere within the Olympic Village, news of the party was met with tempered and somber responses.

NBC Hockey Analyst and former U.S. Olympic Hockey player Jeremy Roenicke texted the following  to 1998 Olympic Teammate Brett Hull.

U.S. Skier Lindsey Vonn, in the Olympic Spirit of Reconciliation, tried to drag bitter teammate Julia Mancuso over to the festivity. Mancuso reportedly told her to shove her broken pinkie up her slalom.

Two Korean short track racers tried to crash the party, but eliminated themselves as they made the final turn into the arena. Apollo Ohno was blamed for the crash, and scored 4 Canadian gold medals at the party.

Shaun White rolled the cigars, and donated autographed half-pipes.

Mike Milbury, angered at not being able to locate his other dress shoe and get to the party, called the women "CANAWHORES" and said that they were a disgrace to the honor of the game. To which a New York reporter responded..."What the hell would you know about honor? You never once got honor in your life".

The Canadian Men's Curling Team expressed dismay that four full-sized and fully stocked Coleman coolers were missing from their Winnebago Suncruisers and wondered whether they would be able to compete without them tomorrow.

It was another ugly painting for the Dutch Boys Speed Skating Team. To the dismay of the Canadian girls, Netherlands Coach Gerald Kemkers directed his entire team to the wrong arena and they missed out on a golden opportunity to try out their brand new skate keys.
("I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key"......remember?)

And the Swedish Women's Curling Team said they were missing 4 blonde skips, 2 busty front ends, 3 sacks of sliders, and the only hammer that wasn't nailed to the floor.

More to follow on this continuing story.......

THIS JUST IN!!!......18 year old Canadian Hockey Player Marie Philip-Poulin, centered within the controversy surrounding the Hockey Team Party because she was one month short of her 19th birthday and considered an "underage drinker", received her draft notice from the Canadian Government this morning and is expected to be serving in Afghanistan in less than 6 months.

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