14 February 2010


The better part of the following ( I added some stuff) was lifted by me from a military.com website. I endorse it 100% and I (as well as a lot of my compadres) am ready to enlist, Mr. President....Where do we sign up?

I am over 50 and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing assbackwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 88,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some fucker that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18 year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've watched a lot of war movies and haven't seen a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side in combat, nor did I ever see John Wayne do any pushups in the Pacific during WWII.
I can hear the Drill Sgt. in the New Army now: "Get down and give me ... er ... one!"

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never heard of anyone outrunning a bullet, not even Usain Bolt.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed-off old farts with an attitude and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. If nothing else, put us on border patrol...we'll have it secured the first night!

And thanks to this current recession Mr. President.....all I see while walking my dog at the park are other over 50 guys with nothing better to do, cuz there's a clear and distinct bias against older males in the current labor market.
We need something to do, and since many of us missed the Vietnam War, well, we're ready to go.
Whaddya say Mr. President?
Surely we can run a BX, keep the REMFS from stealing all the choice K-rations, slop shingle shit, manage software programs, and give the nurses a reason to stay away from the Marines......give us a shot!!!


  1. couldnt agree with you more 505///war,like romance and education is wasted on the young///two problems for me though///a. I still think about sex every 10 seconds//b. i dont get up early to do anything--not even to take a piss/////////////

  2. Let me see if I've got this straight. You're suggesting late-night appearances by Mr. Winky because of cystic compulsions rather than vulval temptations is a reason to go to a place like Afghanistan?

    Is getting old really that bad.

  3. If you can track down al-Qaeda militants with the same vigor in which you grab the Glenlivet off the top shelf of the liquor store, then our country will be in the very best of hands!