09 September 2009
COLLISION AT THE INTERSECTION OF KALAUKAUA BLVD AND MEMORY LANE.
This just in from Travel Industry wire services. (I'm not joking).
Tourists to Hawaii can now pay good money (that could be used to pay for health insurance) and have the pleasure of experiencing "President Obama's Tour of Honolulu".
(Or, to those who recognize quality irony..American Capitalism at it's finest, thanks to a Marxist).
From the brochure:
"This very special and amazing tour celebrates our nation's 44th President and one of the world's newest and most powerful leaders. Visitors will be taken on deluxe transportation to key historical locations and learn of the special events and the Hawaiian Culture that has played a key role in shaping President Obama's life. This tour is sure to give you extraordinary stories that can be shared for a lifetime".
Huh....how 'bout that.
"Historic locations and special events and the Hawaiian culture that played a key role in shaping his life"......"Extraordinary stories that can be shared for a lifetime".
Well maybe one day 505 will be elected President.....And then tour operators can host the President 505 Walking Tour of Waikiki.
And rest assured, "historic locations...special events....and extraordinary stories" might be a tad different from Obama's.....
Including, but not limited to.......
The Red Lion Bar on Beachwalk St, home of upside down shots and Jan the bartender who had the most attractive armpits 505 has ever laid eyes upon. (Thank God they put the premium scotch in the overhead storage areas above the barstools).
Augie's Beach Hut Breakfast Grill. Located poolside at the Outrigger Reef Hotel where the owner, cook and chief bottle washer prepared great eggs and bacon, was a man of few words, but far reaching wisdom.
Room 1833 of the Outrigger Towers where 505 received the haircut of his life from two topless Swedish hairdressers in exchange for a trip out to Hanauma Bay.
Sandy Beach, where 505 and his buddy George nearly met untimely ends when they were caught in a rip tide while body surfing. (The fact that we only had two hours of what can best be described as "non-restful" sleep the night before/morning of, did not help).
The Interline Club overlooking Waikiki Beach at the Outrigger Reef, a monument to days gone by when airline employees were treated with more respect than they deserved, and happy hours consisted of 50 cent cocktails and free pupu platters. A great way to start any evening of debauchery on Kalakaua Blvd.
America's banking system (the names change, but the banks are still there) located on Kalaukaua Blvd. They always had an ample supply of 2 dollar bills and Susan B. Anthony dollars available for purchase when we overspent the supply we smuggled in, all for the purpose of terrorizing bartenders and cash drawers in Waikiki haunts. No bar's evening reconciliation was ever accurate when 505 and the boys hit town.
The Shore Bird Lounge, beachside at the Outrigger Reef and home of the World's Longest Running Sunday Afternoon Bikini Contest, who's French manager surrendered one sabbath and allowed 505 and his buddies to drink for free (with "Executive Seating"), rather than have his cash drawers fouled up by 2 dollar bills and Susan B's.
Davy Jones' Locker...the underground bar at the Outrigger Reef, which featured a huge picture window behind the bar. A window that looked into the hotel pool and was conveniently located just beneath the diving board of the pool. A great place to unwind after a long day in the surf with a cordial while watching the end result of young lovelies diving into the pool with loose fitting bikinis.
Buzz's Steakhouse, (now gone, sigh) once located on Saratoga across from the Post Office where 505 never finished the Captain's Seafood Platter and they had the best salad bar in town. Not to be forgotten was it's sister property, Pieces of 8 Seafood House, located directly behind Buzz's on Beachwalk, home of the best steaks in Waikiki, and a selection of waitresses that could fill your fantasy menu of one night stands, 3 day weekends, and long term relationships. AND...their wallpaper consisted of flags from around the world, including an Alaska State Flag donated by our crew. (we got a free desert from the pikers for hauling it all the way across the Pacific Ocean).
The T-shirt shop in the International Market Place, where a specially designed tee was created for 505 one afternoon in response to his disgust at watching smiling Japanese tourists stroll up and down Kalakaua Blvd proudly wearing their "U.S.S. Arizona" baseball caps and T-shirts.
505's Tee Shirt featured a mushroom cloud with a caption that read.. "Made in America, Tested in Japan".
The Crow's Nest Lounge, located on top of some Pirate themed restaurant that we never ate in along Kalakaua. We never ate there cuz the door to the upstairs bar was the 1st entrance we came upon. Long time home (20+ years) of the acoustic duo "The Blue Kangaroo", two guys who besides being decent musicians, were the most insulting, quick witted comedians to ever entertain the tourists and troops. And God help a submariner from Pearl Harbor who stumbled in there unawares.
The laser tongued material hijacked from "The Blue Kangaroo" has gotten 505 into a lot of trouble in his life.
And the bar itself was kinda fun.....free peanuts and throw the shells on the floor.
Now, I ask you.....
Which Tour of Honolulu would you rather shell out 39 bucks for?
VOTE FOR 505 IN TWENTY TWELVE!!!