07 June 2010
After All......It's A Small, Small World
Welcome to San Antonio, Texas.
Leave it to The Lone Star State to steal what is arguably the most annoying ride in Disneyland and create a larger tourist trap around it, and line it's banks with a Who's Who list of every monolithic, publicly held corporate restaurant, retail outlet and theme bar on the S+P 500. Pardon my negativity here, but San Antonio and it's Riverwalk area may well be the most overrated entertainment district in America. Walked, ate and drank my way around the entire length of it yesterday afternoon/evening and while I can't/won't deny that I throroughly enjoyed myself, (cuz no one has more fun than I do) there was something about this attempt at recreating Pleasure Island that left a plastic taste in my mouth.
The live music was below average (an ENGLISH bloke playing Clancy Brothers Revolutionary songs in an Irish Pub?, a jazz quartet that played Dave Brubeck's "Take 5" three times in the same 45 minute set?), the food was weak (ordered a "Tex-Mex" Conqueso appetizer to see how it compared to New Mexican fire engine standards and received what can best be described as a bowl of melted Velveeta and Kraft American Singles littered with a few morsels of Vidalia onions), and with a few exceptions (the bartender in the Irish Pub and my waitress in the English Pub), the employee staff generally gave me the impression that they would rather be home watching 60 Minutes. Especially the manager of the English Pub (Mad Dogs) who saw no humor in what I considered "the question of the day". The entrance to Mad Dogs is appointed with the requisite hostess stand and a very lifelike English Bulldog statue/doll right next to it. Let's just say that I was lucky to be seated after I asked the manager if I could Kiss the Bulldog and Pet the Waitress.
Topping things off, there's some kind of Sleep Apnea Convention in town. As I write this, eight thousand pseudo doctors are walking around San Antonio in some kind of Kreskin-like trance, each one trying to put a colleague/competitor down for a nap with their banter.
Thank God New Orleans is my next stop (If I can get there tonight).
Road Sign/Billboard of the Day. (kinda)
Remember the episode of Undercover CEO when the head of Hooter's busted the sexist store manager who was treating his waitstaff like shit? Well, that guy better get down to San Antonio. While walking past the Riverwalk Hooter's, I (and those around me) couldn't help but notice the lone waitress who was working the outside section of the restaraunt, by herself, on this 100 degree day. Visualize a young woman in a standard Hooter's skimpy next to nothing outfit.....and she's about 8 months pregnant....and sweating like a Sumo Wrestler in a Norwegian Sauna. Now don't get me wrong here, I have long held the belief that the most attractive woman in the world is a pregnant one, because within that image is a beauty that defines the essence of life. BUT....couldn't Hooter's be a tad more progressive here and allow the woman to wear something a little more complimentary to her condition? Couldn't Heidi Klum be consulted on some appropriate Hooter's wear for pregnant women? Just my opinion.
Quote of the Day...(besides mine)
Stopped for gas in a tiny little hamlet (Kerr Village) about 80 miles outside of San Antonio yesterday morning. The storefront of this tiny convenience store looked like it was built in the 1800's and had been converted from a saloon or some such. The woman working in it could have been a decent replacement for Ceil ("The Upper 48") from the Bore Tide in Alaska. She was a chatterbox with the 3-4 people standing in line ahead of me. I walked up, handed her $30.00 for gas on pump 2. She thanked me and told me to have a nice day and a safe trip. Since I planned on purchasing water and ciggies as well, I said to her "Oh no, not yet....I'm not finished with you Ma'am". She gave a wry smile and one of those looks that said "hmmm....apparently she's not done with me, either".
So, I filled up my tank and returned to the store. I entered and quipped to her "Told you I'd be back", and headed down an aisle, eyeing other sundries. At that point she yelled out at me from behind the counter:
"Just for you, our shopping hours are extended until 11PM this evening".
But I guess you had to be there.